guest wrote: ↑Wed Dec 18, 2024 1:15 pm
When my (now) husband told one of the elders he wanted to ask me out he was told not to and was told to ask a whole heap of other girls out instead. Thankfully he didn’t listen as we are happily married with children and have built a beautiful life together outside of that place.
I watched my siblings, cousins and friends going through the courtship process and hating every second of it. They had to do written assignments to pass from one stage of the courtship process to the next. If the elders were not happy with what they wrote in their assignments they were made to repeat them again and again until the elders were satisfied. Even after all this they would be told to break off relationships without warning or reason and had no choice but to do so even if they were at the point of getting engaged. I sat with several of my broken hearted family members after they were forced to break up by the elders.
I wonder how many real love marriages the elders have prevented over the years as most people listen and do what they’re told.
I thank God my husband wasn’t one of those.
I knew those assignments were bogus! I could never bring myself to even attempt them so I made some half-hearted peace with my singleness. Man, I feel robbed. But let me end on a good note: I am so happy for you and your husband, and your family. I sincerely believed that if I disagreed with or disobeyed the elders that I would literally die. Well, you’ve definitely proven me wrong, so thank you!
Dexter wrote: ↑Wed Dec 18, 2024 1:58 pm
Man, I feel robbed.
\
Any of us that went through this, feel the same. Just robbed of what is meant to be a natural process of life. Its cruel. I am married now and I still feel the in justice of the process at BCF its complete cruelty (I can tell you the rules for all and they are different - unfair for many), I know others who feel this too its common. There is hope however! its never too late to endeavour, many christian single women out there and men (I am praying for some friends to find good partners), I encourage you! As I know there was nothing wrong with any of us the 'unmarried' it was all just a control mechanism by the elders and it was wrong. I feel robbed too.
Recently someone in their 20s contacted me with exciting news. They were engaged. I was in the same home group as this person while in CF. I left and was excommunicated, when they left we got back in touch.
They said the most beautiful thing about their engagement. they said "We are getting married because we LOVE each other and want to spend our lives together." This made me so happy and proud for them that they are getting married for the right reason. They continued " It really doesn't have to be complicated with all this 'theology' and jargon we just LOVE each other."
Its great to see young people who were born into CF, leave and build their life especially in the area of marriage. Life in CF makes you so underprepared for real relationships (especially marriage) so its just wonderful they have found their forever person.
So proud of you mate.
