Below are a series of quotes that target men and their relationship to their wives. The leadership set this unattainable standard and redefine manhood to suit their agenda. This priming opens the door for coercive control and abuse to occur. I will be clear every individual is accountable for whatever actions they do. However, observing from the outside it's clear to see that men are getting berated publicly.
They berate men for failing to meet headship/CF standards.
And they berate men for choosing to be loyal to their wives, include their wives in their decision making and valuing their wives thoughts, needs and talents.
The men are shamed by the leaders who criticise them that they should be controlling their “delusional” “disobedient” wives, and then they go home. Sadly it gets taken out on the rest of their families. I just looked on the survey results, there’s 41 families that have said yes they have experienced coercive control in their homes and by the leaders.
I strongly disagree with CF teaching on family. CF teaching on marriages and parenting does not teach godly love, it teaches coercive control and abuse. We know this is not new. We know this from Helen’s story.
It is a pattern and these are some quotes over the last few years.
BCF - 11 April 2021- Sermon by Peter Hay
Men, the reason why you draw back is because you are lazy. You are lazy. And I was struck at this remnant of the spirit… He's talking about the lazy man won't apply himself to the word which comes as meat for his life.
Now the point here is it's not just talking about wives who are married to unsaved husbands, it's talking about wives who are sitting next to men here who are not being obedient to the word.
MCF – 5 June 2022 -Sermon by Richie KaaBecause remember what did Adam do when he fell? Whose face did he look into to receive the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil? He looked into the face of his wife didn't he? He doubted the word of the father through the son that was causing calling him to continue in fellowship and to be patient… Instead of holding fast to that word, he turned his face and looked into the face of his wife, she became God to him.
what do we do men when we're looking into our wife's faces? …It looks like this, it looks like a person who is endeavouring to know themselves or to get some sense of certainty about their identity and just confidence for the day, when he knows himself through her reflections, about how he's going, through her observations about how everything's proceeding, through her affirmations, through her adjustments, through her directions. The tendency for a man to know himself in this manner reveals that he doubts the word of Christ, doesn't it?
How does your marriage work?...what I don't want anyone to get caught saying is, well we love each other and it works. It's a lovely sweet answer, isn't it? We just love each other. Because I'm going to tell you now, that unless you are receiving a portion of the Spirit each day at the Tree of Life, your marriage doesn't work as God designed it to work
Men in the same manner as Adam accept what is put to them by their wives believing her delusion to be the proper template of family life. Her image of family is that family is a discrete entity or private context that is separate from the house of the father where her husband should exercise his dominion. And so there is a drawing to the agenda of the household over and above the father's household … When Adam did receive this word and he did connect himself to the conversation that his wide fed to him, We need to register then that he ceased then from fellowship with Yahweh at the Tree of Life.
There may have been many more reasons why this man considered his wife's food to be more palatable than joining Yahweh at the Tree of Life … The first one is perhaps he was an independent man. … He does not want to be constrained by obedience to the word of God and to the relational obligations of true friendship among the brethren…. Perhaps he was man who did not want to apply himself to the Word of God or to the offering that is required in speaking in the fellowship of the Agape meal. That's interesting isn't it? A lazy man. … Perhaps he was a proud man who believed that he would be humiliated because of his inadequacy if he took his place at the Lord's table and spoke up. I think some of us have felt that at times. I'm not going to say anything in fear of looking like a fool, particularly when all these young kids are very sharp. You notice the kids are just sharp. What do you mean by that? Don't question me, I'm trying to share here. Get on the back foot a little bit sometimes. What about the cowardly man who did not want to risk any form of conflict with his wife?
HCF - 9 June 2024 – Sermon by Jonathan ThompsonThe man's agenda for life and expression conflicts with his focus and I know you know that. He has his own ambition and focus that particularly relates to how he is seen by others. He views his household as a resource from which he can initiate and exercise rulership in the contexts of his life, be it in the family, in the church, in the workplace or in the broader community. Driven by this motivation he endeavours to rule over his wife so that she serves his agenda…And the romance of their affection for each other is inevitably insufficient to compensate for this tension
And she was trying to help her husband and bring success to their household. She believed that this was the right way. Likewise, the first husband and then every other husband since, received this alternate wisdom and his willingness to eat what she offers only exposes that he has not yet chosen the fatherhood of God, which in essence means he's not yet chosen sonship.
The word of Christ calls a man to forsake every relational mechanism of manipulation and accommodation that belongs to the romantic agenda of his wife. This is your repentance men, this is your faith, this is your obedience. This agenda is sourced from her knowledge of good and evil and is administered in the home through a mechanism of mutual approval, a balanced and equal relationship. That's not it.
And I think, especially to the men, I would just exhort you that there's got to be an overcoming of fear towards you, particularly husbands in households, heads of households. And there's got to be a renewing of the confidence and that only comes as you are revealing the initiative of the Holy Spirit to your house and letting Him extend through the house without it being your voice, yapping at everyone, telling everyone what the Holy Spirit's saying. Stop presuming upon the Holy Spirit's work in your households
HCF - 29 September 2024- Sermon by Tim MauriceAnd if I can just entreat you, if you're being offended right now, that is absolutely fantastic. You need to find the offense here as it cuts your heart, because this is Christ saying, come and now be built. This is, you wanna talk about process? The process starts with the betrayal of your own family covenants. You've got to betray the covenant of your marriage. Betray all these different alliances that have been established to put in, keep peace and order in your house, the false serenity. And this is what we're building on in a new way.
The lazy man is wiser in his own eyes than the fullness of wisdom. Or if you want to get a little bit more prosaic and a bit more literal, you line up seven really capable spiritual men, they all sit down with a lazy man and bear witness to the same thing to him and he will object and to prove his case. I have seen it happen, you can't, it takes your breath away because everyone in the world can see the issue except for the lazy man
A worthless person, a wicked man, walks with a perverse mouth. He won't stop talking. He winks with his eyes, he shuffles his feet, he points with his fingers. He's got lots to say, he's moving around a lot, he's pointing at things, he's got accusations, he's got things, he's got, makes big points to people at the agape meal maybe, maybe in the home. Perversity is in his heart. So you see all that, you've got perverse things going on. Corruption.
can you in this season, you have a window, if you are sitting on sin that took place a long time ago. And you might have stopped doing it, right? And I'm talking about serious things. I'm talking about a husband betraying a wife with adultery. And you're sort of going, well, it's all past. It's all, I'm not doing it anymore. Said sorry to God. And you might have even said sorry to your wife or something. I don't know what you did. Maybe you colluded in the thing to keep the family image. There is time in this season. But you try and face the Lord where you have not walked in the light on that matter or any other matter that is secret to do with money, to do with legal matters, right? Things that they may have got past you and then you've moved on and so on. That is troubling your house. You've got a season and it's a very short one
CF leaders are using coercive control. These quotes all contain the following:I believe in the consensus of the faction to which I belong. Now, we don't think of it as a faction, we just go, it's my mates. But they all give three cheers to me, so that must make it true. i believe in what feels spiritual to me, I had a sense in the spirit, I felt a disturbance in the force. That's what it amounts to, sorry. I believe or at least express what my spouse tolerates or even I believe what my new circumstances dictate to me.
- belittling someone or making jokes at their expense to harm their self-esteem and dignity
- shaming someone in their community, family or social group by sharing private information about them
- constantly putting a person down, shaming and humiliating them, making them doubt themselves or their abilities
- using tactics that pressure or punish the other person
- denying, changing or manipulating the truth of a situation to make the other person doubt their memories, perceptions and experiences. This is known as gaslightling
- making jealous accusations whenever the person communicates or spends time with friends or family
https://www.nsw.gov.au/family-and-relat ... -the-signs
Men, we are called to love our family, respect our wives and children. I am not ashamed to admit there are many things that my wife does better then me and I really value her input. I am thankful to not have been a husband or father under the teaching of CF.