Is shunning “commending people to Christ?”

[Helen Pomery]

What does shunning someone mean?

Shunning, at its core, is a deliberate act of exclusion—a decision to ignore, avoid, or cut off communication with someone due to their behavior, beliefs, or perceived transgressions.

While it may sometimes be justified as a means of self-preservation or enforcing boundaries, the act itself is inherently cruel when wielded as a tool of punishment or control. It isolates the individual, stripping them of their sense of belonging and dignity, and can leave deep emotional scars that linger long after the silence has ended.

The cruelty of shunning lies in its power to dehumanize. To be shunned is to be treated as though one’s existence is unworthy of acknowledgment.

Humans are social beings, wired for connection and community. When someone is shunned, they are denied one of the most fundamental aspects of humanity: the recognition and validation of their presence. This rejection can lead to profound feelings of loneliness, shame, and despair.

For many, it feels like an erasure of their identity—a painful reminder that they are no longer seen as valuable or worthy.

Shunning also creates an imbalance of power. The person or group doing the shunning assumes a position of moral superiority, passing judgment on the shunned individual without offering a path for reconciliation or understanding. It often leaves no room for dialogue, growth, or forgiveness. Instead of fostering empathy or resolution, it perpetuates division and alienation.

This lack of communication can harden hearts on both sides, deepening wounds rather than healing them.
Moreover, shunning can have ripple effects that extend beyond the individual being excluded. In communities where shunning is practiced—whether in families, religious groups, or social circles—it can create a culture of fear and conformity.

People may suppress their true selves or silence their dissenting voices to avoid being ostracized themselves. This stifling environment not only harms individuals but also weakens the fabric of the community as a whole.

It is important to reflect on the ethical implications of shunning and consider alternatives that prioritize compassion over condemnation.

While there are situations where distancing oneself from harmful behavior is necessary, this can often be done with kindness and clarity rather than cruelty.

Open communication, mediation, and mutual respect can pave the way for understanding and change without resorting to complete exclusion.

In choosing connection over rejection, we affirm the humanity in others—even when we disagree with them or struggle to accept their actions. Shunning may feel like an easy solution in moments of conflict or disappointment, but its long-term consequences are often far more damaging than we realize.

By embracing empathy and seeking reconciliation whenever possible, we create opportunities for healing—not just for those who have been shunned but for ourselves as well.

[Helen Pomery]

The question those who shun must ask themselves:

Is shunning people “commending them to Christ?”

What does Jesus say about such behaviour?

In Matthew 25:40, Jesus says, "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."

[Stargazer]

CF leaders are cruel to the core. Their “word” revolves around shunning people who do not conform to Vic’s “word”. An xCF grandfather is in hospital on his way to meet his Heavenly Father. He wants to say goodbye to his grandchildren who are inside CF. However, the CF parents won’t let the grandchildren see the grandfather. They are teenagers and old enough to make their own mind up. They want to see their grandfather. It’s a very sad situation. To all the CF clan, you are all tarred with the same brush as Vic. You are being robbed of the glorious life He has for you. Instead YOU ALL have giant millstones around your necks.

[Helen Pomery]

An xCF grandfather is in hospital on his way to meet his Heavenly Father. He wants to say goodbye to his grandchildren who are inside CF. However, the CF parents won’t let the grandchildren see the grandfather

Stargazer

My heart is grieved for this grandfather. However, he will soon be home where there is no more sorrow, tears or shunning.

Shunning is the daily reality of so many, but God ministers grace, love and mercy to us.

Shunning is the evidence of a church community that has completely lost the reality of mercy, grace and above all, love.

[Buddy]

And one 'leader' told me; "Do you really think vic would tear families apart or keep family away?" The sad thing is, he was serious. I can't believe how many are utterly fooled by this charlatan.

[Sam Watson]

Wow thanks so much for your post Helen with the summary of what shunning is and feels like. This has been the journey for my wife and I the last year and a half and we have found it hard to put into words but your post has clearly laid out exactly what shunning feels like and the systematic characteristics involved. It’s a cruel and unbiblical practice and very damaging long term for all involved.

[Helen Pomery]

Blessings to you and your wife Sam.

I’m so sorry to hear that you have been shunned. Many of us who have suffered similar cruelty have experienced God’s grace in such tenderness.

We stand with you as you walk your journey of recovery and healing. It’s a very unique pathway for each person and family but the thing we have in common is that God has promised to “never leave or forsake us.”

If I can offer you one consideration: take your time and allow plenty of time for rest, healing and forgiveness.

[BreakFree]

Hi Sam

Welcome to streetcar.
I'm sorry you and your wife were shunned. It's aweful going through it.

Blessings to you
BF